The whole damn world is waiting for a Wonder Woman movie. Bats and Supes have been knocking movies out of the park, where's the third member of the trinity?
Quoth WB: "..."
This gives us the perception that TPTB in WB have NFI and are wringing their hands and complaining "but.. it's just so harrrrrd".
To which we say: WHY?? Come in, lie on my couch and tell me what makes you so nervous.
Okay. At the age of twelve, I was in the laundromat and my cousin-
No, no, I meant what makes you too nervous to actually attempt making a Wonder Woman movie.
Wonder Woman can't be successfully brought to the screen.
Er, Wrong.
Yeah, but we tried that in 2011. Everyone thought it sucked, so there mustn't be a market there anymore.
Let me ask you something. Do you honestly believe this woman can kick your ass?
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| Hi Kids! Which one's the Birthday Boy? |
Well, no, but that's because Wonder Woman's costume has always looked silly. There's no way to translate it to-
What about this one?
OK, um... but that's the whole mythology thing.
Which is integral to the character, yeah.
But you can't do mythology in a real-world setting alongside something like Man of Steel.
Really?
Yeah, but they called them Aliens. We can't do that, it's been done.
Off the top of my head, what about something like:
When the Ancient Greeks began to make great strides in philosophy and science, they withdrew from a fearful public and founded an island civilization where they could pursue their pursuits untroubled by mankind. Over time their technological advancements not only enabled them to keep their island secret, but also enhanced their DNA to be far superior to ours. Only existing in our legends, they consider themselves to be a different race to the world of men, and ignored our affairs until blahblahblah.
But it's too risky. Woman aren't successful action heroes.
Listen you hypothetical sexist douchetard, do you even know who these people are?
If there aren't so many on-screen female badasses that penetrated popular culture, how come they're making an all-girl Expendables? How many examples do you need?
Cast Sigourney Weaver or Lucy Lawless as Hippolyta and you can have all of geekdom onboard with just a cameo.
But Wonder Woman has always had an element of "Battle of the Sexes". Geeks are all single men.
Only my self-control is keeping you alive. That is wrong on so many levels. The gender gap is closing in geekdom,and being a Geek is now mainstream anyway. Get your facts from reality instead of The Simpsons.
If you're worried that the moviegoing public won't take Diana seriously as a badass (like you seem to be doing), why not turn that into a strength? Do you really think it's without precedent?
That's starting to make sense.
I hope your anxiety is easing.
Not really. You called me a douchetard.
Yeah, I'm not any kind of trained health practitioner. Sorry about that.
So what's your magic recipe then?
Here are a couple of great fan films that get the tone right:So to summarize:
1 cup Superman
1 cup Sarah Connor
1 pinch of Thor.
Shake in feminism, but not so much as to overpower the flavor.
Bake in a crucible of character-driven conflict (make sure it's not half-baked).
Decorate with spectacle (I said decorate, not drench).
Serves $400 million+.
Now I'm all confused again.
I give up. Just give $200 mil to Max Landis and get the f** out of his way.
